Hey fellas, Zug here.

Sorry for the day-late sicb, I was busy arm-wrestling my good friend ShadBarnacle Dingleflock. The fight got real dirty, so I had to end it by reminding him that he was paralyzed from the waist down. He told me to fuck off, and started flinging his soiled diapers right at my crotch. It made me wonder, "What the fuck did I do to make him so mad? Why'd that get under his skin so badly?" As far as I'm concerned, he's never been that riled up before. It's probably that damn phone. You know, the one he uses whenever he falls down and 'cAn'T gEt bAck uP' (Fucking losEr!!! lol) It's got a single fucking button on it too, so it's pretty damn ancient. I might just surprise him with a blackberry next week, just to make up for it.

I will be releasing my friend Jon into a container of ketchup and bug butter pretty soon. Stay tuned!